Dear future boyfriend,
Having been in a committed relationship for a pretty long time, I don’t really know much about dating. I mean, I’ve seen the movies and I’ve read the great books and the horrible Cosmopolitan articles. As much as I’d enjoy all that drama that leads to me and Mr. Perfect moving together in a small apartment somewhere in a busy city near the sea, I know that I won’t have that. Because I won’t let it happen even if it were possible.
Being single is pretty great. I’m kind of a loner, so I enjoy being all by myself and not having to feel bad about not wanting to get out of the house for a whole week. I also get these crazy crushes every now and then on men that I would never stand a chance to be with (unless Adam Brody moved to my city and suffered some kind of brain injury that would fuck him up so bad he would find me attractive and want to go out with me, but then I’d feel bad for him and I wouldn’t wanna date him back and we’d both end up broken hearted and that would be such a shame). Anyway, what I’m saying is that I’m picky. I’d rather be single than compromise about the people in my life. I’m expecting you to be smart and funny and to know how to balance these qualities. I expect you to care, but not more than I do. You should love cats and listen to some of the bands I enjoy. You cannot be neater than me. You cannot still fear what your parents say about the decisions you make. You have to be passionate about things that I’m ignorant about. You have to be so many things, but in the end you might just completely change my perspective and redefine all this by being something else.
I think it’s gonna be a while until we meet. For now I seem to attract the kind of men that turn me into a bitch because they’re nothing like you. It’s impossible to be nice to a guy who initiates contact on facebook saying something “You’re very pretty, I bet you hear this a lot”. Even if he meant that as a compliment, I really am expecting something a bit smarter than that on our first encounter. And don’t get me started on the other dudes. I’m seriously starting to believe that ever since I began working on my final paper I’ve been releasing some sort of idiot-attracting hormones in response to the intense intellectual activity. But who am I kidding.
Anyway. I hope you’re going through a similar period because it would make you appreciate me more when we finally meet. I know it’s gonna be great and hey, if you hurry a bit, maybe we could still have an awesome summer together.
PS: you’ll probably appreciate this.
