"Human relationships were strange. I mean, you were with one person for awhile, eating & sleeping & living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together & then it stopped. Then there was a short period when you weren’t with anybody, then another woman arrived, & you ate with her & you fucked her, & it all seemed so normal, as if you had been waiting just for her & she had been waiting for you. I never felt right being alone; sometimes it felt good but it never felt right.
Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Bach, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, & then it all evaporated & fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.
I wanted the whole world or nothing."
charles bukowski (via mercyforthegreedy)